The following file was saved from www.minitru.org/llf/sexbible.html
The Holy Bible is held by many to be the actual,
inspired word of God.
If this were true, God should have his mouth washed
out with soap.
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God
is Good Always
According
to recent Gallup Polls, over 83% of the population of the
United States believes that the Bible is God's Word. The
Bible is the world's all-time, best selling book with over 2 billion copies sold
in at least 1,800 languages, yet paradoxically it is probably the least
COMPLETELY read book in the history of the world. If more people actually took
the time to read what was actually in the Bible, there would be a lot less
people who still believed that it had been authored by an omnipotent, perfectly
"virtuous" creator.
The
Bible tells us that God's work is "perfect" and "without
iniquity" (Deut. 32:4). It also tells us that "every word of God is
pure" (Prov. 30:5). Given these statements, the Bible should reflect the
nature of God. It should contain nothing which may be considered profane,
vulgar, or obscene. But as Thomas Paine commented in The Age of Reason,
"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the
cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more
than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we called it
the word of a demon than the word of God."
Christians
are the first to raise the banner of literary morality and censorship yet
ironically if they applied their same standards of judgment to their own Bible,
it would have been banned and condemned as filth centuries ago. The following
examples come straight from the "good book" itself and have been
commented on or explained in more modern terms to facilitate the understanding
of today's readers. The material contained on this webpage may not be suitable
for younger audiences, but if it's good enough for God and his book...who are
we to judge? We're just trying to point out that the emporer is wearing no
clothing.
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Index
Biblical
Sex Talk
Incest
is Best
Too
Much is Always Better Than Not Enough
Forced
Entry
The
Oldest Profession
Sexual
Mutilation
Dirty,
Disgusting Discharges
Happy
and Gay
Take
My Wife...PLEASE!
Indecent
Exposure
Sacred
Sex
Sex,
Drugs and Husband Swapping
The
Weaker Sex
Swearing
an Oath
Beauty
and the Beast
Jehovah's
Potty
Solomon's
Steamy Song of Sleaze
The
Sons of God Need Lovin' Too
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Biblical
Sex Talk
One
of the reasons why the general public is not outraged about the sexual content
in the Bible is that many modern readers don't understand the 17th century Old
English which the King James version of the Bible was translated into. The more
modern translations also tend to water-down those passages which are less than
pleasing and alter the original intent of the authors of the Bible. For
example, Ezekiel 23:20 speaks of a whore who lusts after men who have penises
as big as donkeys and who ejaculate as much as horses. The original King James
translation says it this way:
"whose
flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of
horses."
And
the Revised Standard Version puts it like this:
"whose
members were like those of asses, and whose issue was like that of
horses."
The
Good News Bible translation completely removes the reference to the sexual
organs and discharges of these animals, calling it merely "lustfullness"
as follows:
"She
was filled with lust for oversexed men who had all the lustfulness of donkeys
or stallions."
The
actual intent of some biblical passages is masked by the use of phrases or
words which don't carry the same meaning in today's society. One example of
this is the use of the word "feet." In some passages, the word feet
is used to mean "genitals." For example, Ruth snuck into the barn
where her prospective husband was sleeping and she layed down next to him and
uncovered his "feet." Apparently she was "checking out the goods
before she purchased" and the man, realizing that he was uncovered wakes
up afraid (as Noah was when his nakedness was uncovered, See Indecent Exposure)
until Ruth proposed to him, then he realized that he was not threatened (Ruth
3:7-8). The Bible warns that God will make mothers who don't obey him eat their
own newborn children which "cometh out from between her feet." (Deut.
28:57) The Bible also tells of a time when the Israelites would be taken
captive by the Assyrian king, who would shave their heads and their pubic hair,
describing it as "the hair of the feet" (Isaiah 7:20).
Another
example of how meaning gets lost in the translation can be seen in the use of
the word "knew" for "had sexual intercourse with." Whenever
Adam had sex with Eve it is described as "And Adam knew Eve his wife"
(Gen. 4:1). Some other ways the Bible has for saying a man had sex with a woman
include "he went in unto her" (Gen. 38:2, 9, 18) or "he took so
and so to wife." (Exodus 6:20) Perhaps if the Bible stated "And Adam
had sex with Eve" more people would see that it couldn't be the word of a
virtuous God, but that would require that they actually READ the Bible first.
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Incest
is Best
Sexual
relations between related people commonly took place in the Bible even though
the Hebrew law specifically forbade it (Lev. 20:11, 17, Deut. 22:30, 27:22).
Cain
was the first born son of Adam and Eve, according to the Bible (Gen. 4:1,2).
The Bible tells us that "Cain knew his wife; and she conceived."
(Gen. 4:17) If Adam and Eve were the only couple created by God, then Cain must
have had an incestuous relationship with his own sister. Why incest was okay in
this incident but is not okay in others is a mystery.
Abraham
was married to his half-sister as were numerous other biblical characters
(Genesis 20:12)
Moses,
the leader of Israel, was born of an incestuous relationship (Exodus 6:20)
Lot
was saved from the fiery destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah just so he could
impregnate his own two daughters (Gen. 19:31-36)
One
of Jacob's sons had sex with one of his father's concubines (making him a
mother-in-law (Gen. 35:22)
King
David's son, Absalom had sex with ten of his father's concubines (mistresses)
in a special tent he erected on top of the palace so that all of Israel would
know what he "knew." (2 Sam. 16:21-22)
Another
of King David's sons, Amnon, had sex with his brother Absalom's sister (his own
half sister). Raping her when she refused to have sex with him, he then became
disgusted with her and kicked her out. (2 Sam. 13:1-17)
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Too
Much is Always Better Than Not Enough
Much
to the disappointment of modern Christians, the Bible teaches that a man can
marry as many women as he can support (Exodus 21:10-11, Deut. 21:15) and nowhere
does it limit the number of women that a man can marry to only one (Of course a
woman can only marry one man...sorry ladies.). The men of the Bible took full
advantage of this state of affairs, often having numerous wives, as well as sex
slaves or "concubines." The word concubine comes from the Latin
meaning "one to lie with" and the Hebrew word for concubine means a
woman bought as a slave or otherwise acquired by a man for his sexual pleasure,
or to serve as a surrogate childbearer if his wife, or one of his wives, was
barren. In the Bible, a father had the right to sell his daughter to be one of
these sex slaves (Exodus 21:7-9) God used concubines as a source of offspring
throughout the Bible. The Father of God's chosen people, Abraham had sex with
his wife's handmaid (Gen. 16:4) and the fathers of several of the tribes of
Israel came from Jacob having sex with his wives' handmaids (See Sex, Drugs and
Husband Swapping Gen. 30:4-5, 7, 9-12)
Polygamy
or having more than one wife was practiced by such popular biblical heros as
Abraham (Gen. 16:1-11), Jacob (Gen. 29:28, 30:4,9,26), King David (2 Sam. 2:2,
5:13, 12:8-9, Abijah (2 Chron. 13:21), Jehoiada (2 Chron. 24:3), Gideon (Judges
8:30) and of course the wise King Solomon with his seven hundred wives and
three hundred concubines (1 Kings 11:1-4). Mormons were persecuted by
Bible-believing Christians in the United States for attempting to continue this
practice which God had established in his "good" book.
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Forced
Entry
The
Bible has numerous stories which involve rape. Lot was willing to turn his
daughters over to a rape mob to protect himself and some extraterrestrial
visitors (Genesis 19:4-8). Lot's daughters later raped HIM by using a drug
(alcohol) to incapacitate him and then forced him to have sex without his
knowledge or consent (Gen. 19:33, 35).
Jacob's
only daughter, Dinah was raped by a member of a heathen tribe who then tried to
strike a deal with Jacob for her hand in marriage. This deal involved all the
men of the tribe having to become circumcised (Gen. 34:2-4 - SeeSexual
Mutilation).
As
we already mentioned, Amnon also raped his sister Tamar who then tried to get
him to marry her and he refused (2 Sam. 13:11-15).
Dealing
with a rapist by offering him your daughter's hand in marriage might seem
barbaric to modern readers but the Bible says that if you raped a woman who
wasn't already betrothed (engaged or promised to someone) all he had to do was
pay her father a fee and she had to marry her rapist (Exodus 22:16-17, Deut.
22:28-29). Rape was also legal if a man was at war and saw a foreign woman that
he wanted. According to the law, all he had to do was capture her and take her
home, shave her head, trim her nails and strip her naked. After 30 days of
captivity he could consider her his wife and if she didn't please him he was
free to kick her out. Nowhere does it mention getting the woman's consent
(Deut. 21:10-14).
One
of the more disgusting Bible stories tells of a man who was traveling through
the land of the Benjamites (one of the tribes of Israel) with his concubine and
was staying at an old man's house when a gang of men came to the house and
demanded that the man turn himself over to the mob so they could rape him. The
old man tried to dissuade them from raping his guest by offering the mob his
own virgin daughter and the other man's concubine instead. The crowd decides to
take the man's concubine after which they proceed to rape and abuse her all
night long. When dawn comes they release her and she drags herself back to the
old man's house, dying on the front step. The man comes out and sees her laying
on the doorstep and tells her "Get up, let's get going," but she is
dead. So the man carries her dead body back home and cuts her up into 12 pieces
and then sends those pieces all across the country just to show how horribly he
had been treated while he was a guest of the Benjaminites (Judges 19:16-29). As
a result of the outrage this inspires, the tribe of Benjamin is practically
exterminated, leaving only a few hundred men to survive. This type of injustice
is common in the Bible. God often set the example by punishing entire groups
when he was angry rather than punishing the individuals who actually commited
the crime.
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The
Oldest Profession
Women
in the Bible were often forced to resort to prostitution in an attempt to equal
the balance of power which men had over them. Women in Hebrew society were
considered valuable only for their ability to provide offspring. If a woman had
no offspring or husband to care for her, she ended up picking through refuse
for scraps to stay alive (as Ruth was forced to do - See The Weaker Sex). An
example of a woman driven to prostitution because of the patriarchal culture of
the Hebrews can be found in the story of Tamar. Tamar became a prostitute to
trick her father in-law into making her pregnant and giving her a child (Gen.
38:14-18).
Another
famous biblical prostitute lived in the city of Jericho and was the madam of
one of the local whorehouses. This is the same Jericho that Joshua made famous
by causing its walls to "come tumbling down." Rahab, the prostitute
was hiding two Hebrew spies in her whorehouse (I'm sure they only slept there!)
and provided them with a hiding place in exchange for the safety of herself and
her family during the upcoming Hebrew invasion. Just as he had done in the
other cities he invaded, the heartless slayer Joshua killed every man, woman,
child, infant, ox, sheep and ass in the city (Joshua 6:21) yet he spared Rahab
and her family as he had promised (Joshua 6:22-25). It's interesting that of
the thousands of lives this bloodthirsty barbarian took with the sword, it is a
traitorous prostitute which would gain his mercy. (See The Bloody Bible)
One
of the more famous characters in the Bible had an addiction to prostitutes but
God didn't seem to mind until one cut his hair for him. This character was
Samson of course. Samson slept with numerous prostitutes even after he was
married but for some strange reason he remained in God's good graces until
Delilah cut off his magical locks of hair (Judges 16:1, 4) See Bible Stories
You Won't Hear In Sunday School).
One
of the most popular children's Bible stories is the story of the
"wise" King Solomon and how he determined who the mother of a child was.
In the story, two women had children in the same house and one of the children
died. The mother of the dead child tried to claim that the living child were
hers. To determine who the mother was, the king threatened to cut it into two
pieces and give one half to each mother. The real mother, responded in horror
that the king should give the child to the other woman and not kill it (1 Kings
3:16-27). What isn't told too often is the fact that the two mothers who
brought the child before the king, were prostitutes, and the child was a
bastard. King Solomon's intentions to "cut the child in two pieces"
may not have been as much a stroke of genius on his part as it was a cruel
reaction of the king to the illegitimate child and its mother's profession.
In
one Bible story, God commands a man to marry a whore, in direct violation of
his previous commandment not to do that very thing (Lev. 21:7). This woman
continues to commit her adulterous acts even though the man begs her to stop.
He finally gets so fed up with her actions that he sells her into slavery, but
his "love" for her causes him to change his mind and he buys her back
out of slavery (Hosea 1:1-3, 2:1-5, 14-15, 3:1-3,). Some claim this is an
allegory of God and how his chosen people treated him.
It
appears that God has a special place in his hearts for prostitutes and whores
as he often compared his chosen people to a whore who was taken by a man in
marriage but kept going back to have sex with other men. The passage we quoted
in Biblical Sex Talk was of God comparing Israel to two sisters who couldn't
get enough sex. The following are a modern day translations of how God
metaphorically described his chosen people and what he thought of them.
Jeremiah
3:1-6
There
isn't any place in all the land that you haven't defiled by committing adultery
against me. You sit like a whore alongside the road waiting for a customer to
come along. You are like a faithless wife who gives herself freely to other men
everytime she gets the chance.
Ezekiel
16:1-60
When
I first saw you, you were still covered with blood and your umbilical cord had
not as yet been cut. That same day of your birth, you were dumped into a field
and left there to die until I came along and adopted you as my very own.
As
you reached puberty, your breasts became well-rounded and your pubic hair began
to grow fully, yet as far as I was concerned, you were still as naked as you
were the day you were born.
I
married you and you became mine legally, but then you began giving yourself
freely as a prostitute to every Tom, Dick and Harry who passed by. All any man
had to do to have you for his own was to ask you. And during all these many
years of playing the whore against me, you never have stopped to think about
that day of your birth when I first saw you still covered with the blood from
your mother's womb.
You
have gone ahead and built a spacious brothel and in that house you have offered
to spread your legs for every man who came along. You have, in fact, been so
eager to go to bed with every man available that you have not even charged for
your services and for this reason, you are far worse than an ordinary
prostitute who at least charges for her services and makes her living thereby.
But
I will still have my revenge against you. I will personally knock down all your
bordellos and strip you naked and embarrass you before all your lovers. You
will be fully repaid for your unfaithfulness and then, although you don't
deserve it, I will take you back as my wife and forgive you for everything that
you have done.
Ezekiel
23
(In
this allegory, God's chosen people had been divided into two kingdoms and God
compares the two kingdoms to two sisters named Oholah and Oholibah, who have
become prostitutes)
Both
of you sisters have become my wives. You, Oholah, the older sister, and you, Oholibah,
the younger one, have become infatuated with the Assyrians, our neighbors.
You
have found these attractive young men to be irresistible and you have gone to
bed with captains, commanders and many other soldiers dashing about on their
horses and wearing handsome blue uniforms.
Oholibah,
you have become so thoroughly depraved that you have even fallen in love with
painted pictures which you saw on a wall. They were pictures of Babylonian
military officers and you were so sexually aroused by looking at these
pictures, that in your imagination, you were already giving yourself freely to
the men in the pictures.
You
finally sent messengers to Chaldea to invite the officers whom the pictures
represented to come to you in person and you went to bed with them fornicating
freely, although, after your brief affair was over, you hated them and broke
off with them immediately.
Oholibah,
like your older sister Oholah, you started your life of sexual promiscuity as a
young girl when you were still in Egypt and the lovers you had there had
penises as big as those of jackasses shooting as much semen as horses shoot.
But
I will soon stop both of you sisters from longing for Egypt and the many lovers
you had to leave behind there. You will be fully repaid for whoring and then
you will know who I really am.
The
prophet, Jeremiah, went so far as to compare Israel with a female jackass in
heat, a disgusting sight indeed (Jeremiah 2:24).
In
the Book of Revelations, it is Babylon which is compared to a whore that has
had sexual relations with the kings of the earth and who has made the people of
the earth "drunk with the wine of her fornication" (Revelations
17:1-9, 19:1-2).
Couldn't
a virtuous and perfect God come up with allegories that were less obscene than
these?
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Sexual
Mutilation
When
God decided to make a deal with man and chose Abraham to be the father of his
chosen people, God felt it necessary to seal the deal in blood, but not just
ANY blood. God wanted blood from man's sex organ. There is something very
suspicious about a God who demands that you cut off a part of your penis as a
sacrifice to show your dedication to him. The circumcision of male children was
done as a form of human blood sacrifice to God. This purification sacrifice of
human blood allowed the mother to be cleansed of her "unclean blood"
at 40 days instead of the 80 days a female birth required (See Dirty,
Disgusting Discharges).
God's
obsession with the male foreskin appears in various places in the Bible. He
even went so far as to demand that any boy child who didn't have his foreskin
cut off would be "cut off (pun intended?) from his people." (Gen.
17:14) God intended to carry out this threat by killing Moses because his son
had not been circumcised (Exodus 4:24), but the wife of Moses grabbed a sharp
stone and cut her son's foreskin off (ouch) first and threw it down at Moses
"feet" (genitals?) calling him a "bloody husband" (Exodus
4:25-26).
When
God's people wandered the desert for 40 years under Moses and Joshua's
leadership, the ritual of circumcision was temporarily suspended, but God never
totally called for a halt to the bloody practice. God commanded Joshua to make
sharp knives and circumcise ALL the boys and men, which he did (Joshua 5:1-9).
After
Shechem, a member of a heathen tribe, raped Jacob's only daughter, he
"fell in love" with her and wanted her for his wife. Shechem's father
went to Jacob to attempt to make peace between the two tribes by offering a
dowry of any amount which Jacob would ask for his daughter's hand in marriage.
Jacob's sons deceptively told the heathens that the only way the two families
could be joined would be if all the male members of the heathen tribe became
circumcised. The leader of the heathen tribe was able to convince all the men
to get circumcised in compliance with the demands of Jacob's sons. While the
men were layed up recovering from the painful operation, Jacob's sons went into
their camp and murdered all the men, taking the women, children, cattle and
property for themselves. In typical Godly fashion they "avenged" the
rape of their sister by killing an entire group of people who had nothing to do
with the rape (Genesis 34:1-29). Shechem had done nothing which was in
violation of Hebrew law (See Forced Entry), he had offered to pay the required
fee and intended to keep his end of the bargain. The rest of the tribe made an
act of faith which was brutally betrayed by God's chosen people. The only thing
that Jacob worried about after this event was that the reputation of his tribe
would be damaged in the local area and the other tribes would hunt him down and
destroy him (Genesis 34:30-31). There is no mention of God's disapproval of the
treacherous actions of Jacob's sons.
King
Saul was jealous of David but realized that God was protective of him so he
devised a plan to get rid of David by having him killed in battle (See The
Bloody Bible). King Saul told David that he wanted him to be his son-in-law and
marry his daughter. Since David was poor, King Saul told him that he would
accept a "special" dowry for his daughter's hand. All David had to do
was kill one hundred Philistines and bring the king their foreskins as the
dowry. David zealously killed twice that number of Philistines and cut the
foreskins off their penises and brought them to King Saul (1 Samuel 18:20-27).
The image of such a disgusting spectacle should be enough to turn the stomach
of any self-respecting person, yet millions continue to embrace the Bible as
being the word of God. But then it also doesn't seem to bother them that this
is the same God who demanded that his followers cut off a piece of their penis
to show their loyalty to him.
Even
though God discriminated against those who had been wounded in their testicles
("stones") or had their penises ("privy") cut off
(Deuteronomy 23:1), Jesus taught that some people would castrate themselves for
God (Matthew 19:12). God told the prophet Isaiah that those who were castrated
would get a better place in heaven than those who could have children (Isaiah
56:3-5).
Paul
attempted to put an end to the practice of circumcision to make Christianity
more attractive to pagan converts who weren't too anxious to have their
foreskins whacked off (1 Corinthians 7:18-19, Galatians 5:2-6). It's amazing
that Paul could rationalize away what God called "an everlasting
covenant" when Jesus was himself circumcised and never hinted during his
life that the everlasting covenant of circumcision were to be done away with.
In fact Jesus specifically forbade what Paul did (Matthew 5:17-19). Paul became
the greatest "antichrist" by doing away with the law of circumcision
(2 John 19-10), and today, Christianity is largely based on the teachings of
this "antichrist."
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Dirty,
Disgusting Discharges
The
Bible tells us that God thinks that any discharge from the sex organs is
unclean. Primitive man believed that when a woman had a menstrual cycle, she
was getting rid of "bad blood." God apparently believed the same
thing because, according to God's laws, a woman who was on her menstrual cycle
was considered "unclean" for seven days. This uncleanliness was apparently
contagious, since anyone who touched her while she was on her period was also
considered unclean (Leviticus 15:19). In another passage, the Bible states that
if a man has sex with a woman on her period, both he and the bed they did it on
will be unclean (Leviticus 15:24). Later in the chapter this uncleanliness was
considered to be so bad that the death penalty was demanded for any couple who
had sexual intercourse while the woman was having her period (Leviticus 18:19,
20:18). Not only people, but things could catch this uncleanliness, including
everything she layed on or sat on. And if anyone touched something which she layed
or sat on, that person was also considered to be unclean (Leviticus 15:20-28).
While she was unclean, the menstruating woman had to participate in
purification rites, staying isolated and hidden, often outside the city or
camp, until she had cleaned her menstrual rags. After the menstruating woman
had completed her seven days of purification rites, she was required to bring two
animals, for a burnt offering and a sin offering, to the priest, to atone for
her "sin" of uncleanliness. The New Testament also mentions how a
woman with a twelve year long menstrual flow (probably as a result of veneral
disease due to its description -see Mark 5:26) was healed after she touched
Jesus' garment (Matt. 9:20, Mark 5:25-29, Luke 8:43). It's amazing to think
that any educated person would believe that the creator of all the universe
would exhibit such ignorance concerning the natural reproductive function of
the female body.
God's
word tells us that the very act of conception is "sin" (Psalms
51:3-5) and that when a woman conceives, it is in sin. It also said that God
made childbirth painful as a form of punishment (Genesis 3:16). Believers
rationalize that Eve's reproductive functions were cursed because Eve succumbed
to temptation and partook of the fruit of the tree of knowledge in the garden
of Eden. Ask any woman today what she did to deserve pain and suffering during
childbirth. If she is a rational human, she will tell you that nothing that any
of her ancestors did should condemn her to a life of suffering. For some
reason, God decided to tell Moses that the miraculous and beautiful act of
childbirth makes a woman "unclean" (Leviticus 12:1-8). Again it is
the blood which accompanies the birth which supposedly makes her unclean (Lev.
12:7). If she delivered a male child she was considered unclean for 40 days and
if she delivered a female child she would be unclean for 80 days. As we stated
earlier, it was probably the blood sacrifice of human flesh (circumcision) that
her shortened her period of uncleanliness, although some experts have theorized
that the difference may have been due to the increased value of a male child
over a female in Hebrew society.
Women
weren't the only ones with unclean discharges in the Bible. A man's
"issue" or seminal discharge was considered "unclean."
According to God's laws, after engaging in sexual intercourse, both the man and
the woman were supposed to clean the semen off themselves with water. Even
after doing that they were considered unclean for the rest of that day
(Leviticus 15:18). Moses went so far as to command the men in his group to keep
clean by washing their clothes and not having sex with their wives for three
days (Exodus 19:14-15).
Ejaculation,
whether by masturbation or nocturnal emission was considered to be dirty by
God, who lumped it in the same category as handling rotten meat (Leviticus
22:4-7). If a man masturbated and his ejaculate got on his clothes or the
carpet, those things had to be washed and were also considered unclean until
the evening (Leviticus 15:16-17). Also, if a man had a wet dream, he had to
leave the camp and couldn't come back in until the next evening (Deuteronomy 23:10-11).
What a sticky situation to be in!
Onan,
the second husband of Tamar, (See Biblical Family Values), was killed by God as
a punishment for refusing to impregnate his dead brother's wife by pulling out
of her vagina and ejaculating on the ground (Genesis 38:1-10). Many modern
Christians mistakenly use this passage to claim that masturbation is a sin,
thinking that Onan merely ejaculated on the ground. What they fail to realize
is that Onan was having sex with Tamar when his "seed" was spilled on
the ground. More evidence that the Bible is not completely read by those who
claim to believe it is God's Word. This is another one of those Bible stories
that you won't hear too often in Sunday School.
Another
cause for a man to have an "unclean" discharge came as a result of veneral
disease. The Bible describes gonorrhea as "a running issue" and says
that any man who has it is unclean. It then proceeds to describe how everything
that he lies or sits on is unclean and how anyone who touches him, his bed or sits
on anything he has sat on is unclean and how anything that was under him is
unclean and his saddle is unclean and any pot that he touches must be
destroyed. Finallly it says that once his "running issue" has stopped
running, he must clean himself for seven days, then give a sacrificial offering
to atone for his disease (Leviticus 15:1-15). A priest who has gonorrhea was
also unable to eat any of the holy food which priests ate, until his disease
was cleared up (Leviticus 22:4). King David once described himself as having a
condition which was probably syphilis, but could have been some other veneral
disease (Psalms 38:3-8).
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Happy
and Gay
Even
though the Bible has numerous references to homosexual activity, many
Christians believe that God hates fags (See http://godhatesfags.com/). Of
course they often ignore the fact that Jesus participated in what could only be
called "man-boy love" and one of God's most favored men, King David,
was a "flaming fag" himself. If God hates fags, then he never should
have made the potential for genetic diversity. Christians are afraid to learn
that homosexuality is due to genetics because that makes it God's fault. Ask
the next one you see why God makes Down's Syndrome children or any other
genetic mutation, and they'll duck and dodge, falling back behind the curtain
of "the mysteries of God."
The
biblically famous David had a homosexual relationship with King Saul's son,
Jonathan. When they first met, they became "soulmates" in an
encounter best described as "love at first site" (1 Samuel 18:1-5).
Jonathon loved David even more than his own father, putting himself in harm's
way to protect the life of his lover, David (1 Samuel 19:1-7). King Saul became
jealous of David and was determined to kill him. This made Jonathan so upset
that he couldn't eat. Jonathan then snuck off to a field to lay with David,
holding him in his arms, kissing and weeping like the lovesick couple they were
(1 Samuel 20:31-42). When Jonathan's father, King Saul, found out about the
homosexual affair, he confronted Jonathan with the fact that he knew that he
was gay and then he blamed it on Jonathan's mother, calling her "perverse"
and "rebellious" (1 Samuel 20:30). Later when Jonathan died, David admited
that [Jonathan's] "love to me was wonderful, passing the love of
women." (2 Samuel 1:25-26)
The
Bible claims that homosexuality was a punishment which God gave to those who
worshipped idols or commited other forms of blasphemy. (Romans 1:18-27).
Indeed
the Bible is full of anti-homosexual laws, claiming that homosexuals are in the
same class as thieves and murderers (1 Corinthians 6:9-11, 1 Timothy 1:8-11,
Leviticus 18:22, 20:13).
The
Bible even condems cross-dressing, calling transvestites an abomination!
(Deuteronomy 22:5)
Jesus'
homosexual activity has been demonstrated in modern theater and cinema and can
be traced to actual biblical passages. From the modern Christian model, we can
assume that Jesus loved all of his disciples, yet the Bible specifically
describes one disciple as "the disciple that Jesus loved" (John
19:26, 20:2, 21:7,20). This disciple is described as "lying on Jesus'
breast" at the last supper (John 13:23, 25). What Jesus did with this
specific disciple to earn him the title "the disciple that Jesus
loved" can only be imagined but it's not too difficult to get a pretty
clear picture seeing them snuggling with each other in public. Jesus himself
was a homo. This is further supported by scriptures which describe Jesus
displaying inappropriate behavior for a man to be showing to other men, such as
lust (Mark 10:21), suggesting that men should be kissing him (Luke 7:45),
describing men sharing the same bed (Luke 17:34), etc.
When
Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemane, he left his disciples who were sleeping
and went off, returning several times to check on them (Mark 14:37-41). When
Jesus came back after the third time, there was a young man following him with
only a linen cloth wrapped around his naked body. When the guards tried to grab
the young man after grabbing Jesus, the young man dropped the cloth and ran off
naked (Mark 14:51-52). Who was this scantily clad young streaker and why was he
returning with Jesus? What had Jesus REALLY been doing with a naked young man
that night in the garden? The "Secret Gospel of Mark", known from
early Church father, Clement of Alexandria's (150-230 C.E.) letter to Theodorus
contains excerpts which include the following
"...the
young man, looking at Jesus, loved him and began to beseech him that he might
be with him...they went into the house of the young man, for he was rich. And
the young man, looking at Jesus, loved him...and after six days Jesus gave him
an order; and when the evening had come, the young man went to him, dressed
with a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night,
because Jesus taught him the mystery of the kingdom of God."(Secret Gospel
of Mark).
What
exactly is this "mystery" of the kingdom of God that Jesus spent all
night showing the scantily clad young man? This very suggestive passage was
inserted in the canon of the orthodox Alexandrian Church of Egypt. Some
scholars say that it should be inserted in our modern Bible after Mark 10:34.
The naked man incident is always left out of Easter pagents for some strange
reason.
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Take
My Wife...PLEASE!
Bible-thumpers
love to scream about the evils of marital infidelity but seem to ignore the
many instances of adultery and mate-swapping which took palce among God's
favored people.
One
of God's Ten Commandments states "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
(Exodus 20:14). The punishment for committing adultery was death (Leviticus
20:10). If a man suspected that his wife had committed adultery there was a
test that could be performed to determine whether she had been faithful or not.
If the suspecting man brought the priest an offering (bribe) then the priest
would mix a concoction of water and dirt from off the floor of the temple which
he would make the woman drink. If the woman got sick after drinking the water,
it was because she had committed adultery. If she was innocent she would then
be able to get pregnant (Numbers 5:11-31). Fortunately, modern forensics
doesn't rely on such superstitious hogwash to determine fidelity or paternity.
One
of the more popular biblical incidence of adultery took place when King David
saw a woman washing out her menstrual rags in the fountain outside his palace.
The king asked who she was and one of his servants told him that she was
Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, one of the soldiers in King David's army. The
king then sent his messengers to take her and bring her to his bedroom (2
Samuel 11:2-4). This woman knew that it was out of the question for her to
resist the advances of the king so she submitted to his demands and when he was
done having sex with her, she went back to her home. Meanwhile, her husband was
fighting for his king and country. Soon Bathsheba discovered that the king has
made her pregnant. When the king finds out she is pregnant he devises a plan to
have her husband come back from the war and stay with his wife, in this way the
king hoped that Uriah would think that he had gotten his wife pregnant and
wouldn't suspect the king (2 Samuel 11:5-9). After Uriah returned from the war
he tells the king that he couldn't put his own pleasure and comfort first by
going home while his comrades in arms were still fighting so he stayed at the
palace until it was time for him to return to the war (2 Samuel 11:10-12). This
foiled the king's plans to cover up the pregnancy so King David adopted the
plans which King Saul had attempted to use to dispose of David when he was
younger, he sent Uriah into the fiercest part of a battle and had his commander
abandon him so that he would be killed by the enemy (2 Samuel 11:15). In this
manner, King David disposed of the husband of the woman that he had gotten
pregnant. After she learned that her husband was dead, Bathsheba mourned for
him until King David had her brought to the castle to become one of his wives
(2 Samuel 11:26-27). God was not pleased with King David's actions in this
incident and in typical Godly fashion he punished the innocent child which
David had created as a result of his adultery. God claimed that he would
forgive David of this deed but now God's enemies would now have a chance to
make fun of God. Because of God's childish pride, the baby would have to die (2
Samuel 12:13-14). After the child was tortured by God for seven days, it
finally died (2 Samuel 12:18) and King David immediately went to comfort his
new wife Bathsheba. He did this by having sex with her (surprise) and created a
second child which "the Lord loved," the wise King Solomon. (2 Samuel
12:24). King David's servants were shocked at the fact that while the baby lie
sick and suffering, King David mourned, but as soon as the child died, the King
got up, ate and went right in to do what caused all this to begin with. David
replied that while the child was alive he hoped to influence God to not kill
the child, but once the child died he knew that he couldn't bring it back. In
other words, "why cry over spilled milk?" (2 Samuel 12:21-23) God
later called this same King David, "a man after my own heart" (Acts
13:22).
The
prophet Nathan told King David that one day God would give David's own wives to
another man who would go to bed with them in full public view to shame David
before his own people (2 Samuel 12:11-12). Little did the king realize that the
man who would do this would be his own son, Absalom (See Incest is Best).
When
Joseph was sold into slavery as a result of jealousy (which his father had
created by loving Joseph more than his other children) at the age of seventeen,
he gained favor with the captain of Pharoh's guards, but he gained even greater
favor with that captain's wife. She tried to get Joseph to have sex with her
but to his credit, he refused. The woman tore Joseph's garment off of him as he
tried to escape from her clutches. In her anger after being refused by Joseph,
she acused him of attempting to rape her. Because of this deception, Joseph was
put in prison (Genesis 39:7-20). A refreshing example of someone respecting
another man's property (women were considered to be property - See The Weaker
Sex) and doing the morally correct thing in the Bible!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Indecent
Exposure
The
first thing Adam and Eve did when they partook of the fruit of the knowledge of
good and evil was try to hide their nakedness. Apparently, God had no problem
with them running around in the garden naked while they were ignorant, but once
he realized that they knew better, God made them clothes to wear (Genesis
3:21).
After
Noah got off the ark, he got rip-roaring drunk and fell asleep with his
genitals exposed. One of Noah's sons saw that he was laying naked and went and
told his two brothers about it. His two brothers went in and covered Noah's
exposed genitals without looking at them. After Noah found out that his son had
seen him naked, Noah administered typical godly justice by punishing the son of
the son who had seen him naked, cursing him to be a "servant of
servants" to his brothers (Genesis 9:21-25). Noah's son may have been
guilty of more than simply seeing his father naked because the Bible states
that when Noah woke up he "knew what his younger son had done unto
him." (Genesis 9:24) We can only speculate as to what really took place
between the drunken, naked Noah and his son.
God's
aversion to the naked human body was so great that he gave special instructions
to his priests to be careful not to expose their genitals when walking up to
the altar (Exodus 20:26).
When
Moses came down from the mount with the Ten Commandments he saw the people
dancing in the nude before the golden calf and had 3,000 of them slaughtered
(Exodus 32:25-28).
God
doesn't seem to mind nakedness if the naked person is prophesying, though. The
prophet Micah stripped himself naked and wailed and howled, prophesying in the
nude (Micah 1:8).
God
commanded the prophet Isaiah to strip himself and walk naked across Egypt and
Ethiopia for THREE YEARS, prophesying in the nude. God then said that the
Egyptians and Ethiopians would following Isaiah's example by being led away
captive by the king of Assyria "naked and barefoot, even with their buttocks
uncovered to the shame of Egypt" (Isaiah 20:1-4)
King
Saul displayed the same lack of modesty with his own body while under God's
direction. Once he was overcome by the spirit of the Lord and he stripped
himself naked and prophesied in the nude. Then he layed on the ground, naked
for the rest of the day and that night. The people who saw it were only
surprised that Saul was prophesying, probably because they were used to seeing
prophets expose themselves (1 Samuel 19:20-24).
King
David was also an exhibitionist who flashed his royal subjects with his royal
"staff." After returning home from acquiring the ark of the covenant,
King David danced in the streets and exposed himself in front of his own
servants' handmaids (2 Samuel 6:14-16). When his wife witnessed his behavior,
she accused him of behaving like a common pervert (2 Samuel 6:20). In his
anger, King David told her that what he did was no one's business but his and
the Lord's and that if she thought that behavior was vile, she hadn't seen ANYTHING
yet! He then told her that he would be even more vile and the women servants
who she had spoken of would honor him (2 Samuel 6:22). The Bible then tells us
that his wife was childless because she dared to speak out against David's
behavior (2 Samuel 6:23). Whether this was because the King refused to have sex
with her or because God had made her barren is not made clear.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sacred
Sex
The
Jews were surrounded by pagan fertility religions which worshipped the sex
organs. Many of the biblical references to the worship of the penis or the
vulva have been camouflaged in the usual method of mistranslation. The pagans
would construct graven images of penises which the Bible described as
"high places" or "pillars" and the yoni or female sex
organs which was translated as "grove" (a reference to the bushy
appearance of female pubic hair). Knowing the hidden meanings, we can now
visualize the wooden and stone statues of giant penises and larger-than-life
vaginas which were erected "on every high hill and under every green
tree" across the land during the reigns of Saul, David, Solomon and his
son Rehoboam (1 Kings 14:22-24).
The
grandson of Rehoboam, King Asa attempted to destroy the worship of these
phallic idols and he even kicked his mother off the throne because she had made
an idol of a giant penis inside a giant vagina. He destroyed this particular
pornographic idol but for some reason he didn't destroy the giant penises (1
Kings 15:11-14).
These
phallic idols had even found their way into the main temple in Jerusalem. A
giant Yoni had been erected inside the sanctuary. Women who lived near the
temple made a living weaving artificial pubic hair which people could purchase
to hang on this large representation of the female sex organ as a form of
personal worship, sort of like modern Catholics who place candles at altars
today. All the fun was eventually ended by King Josiah who had the Yoni taken
out and destroyed. He even destroyed the houses of the women who made the
hangings for the Yoni (2 Kings 23:6-7).
The
giant penises and vaginas that were erected outdoors were so popular that many
kept smaller versions of them in their homes or carried them with them like
modern Christians carry small replicas of Jesus being tortured to death on a
cross. These smaller idols were called "household gods" or in the
Hebrew; "ephods" and "teraphim (Judges 17:5) and were replicas
of erect penises and gaping vaginas.
These
household gods played an interesting role in the story of Jacob in the Bible.
Jacob married Leah and her sister Rachel, who were daughters of the pagan, Laban
(See Sex, Drugs and Husband Swapping). When Jacob left Laban's house, his wife
Rachel stole her father's idols and hid them. Once Laban discovered that his
precious sex idols were missing, he tracked down Jacob and demanded that they
be returned. Jacob didn't know that his wife had stolen these idols so he was
enraged at the accusation. When Laban searched in the tent of Rachel for the
missing idols, Rachel pretended like she was on her monthly menstrual period so
that Laban wouldn't come near her (See Dirty, Disgusting Discharges). Laban was
unable to find the idols because Rachel was SITTING ON THEM (Genesis 31:19-35).
Apparently Rachel had such a fondness for these sacred dildos that she couldn't
bare to part with them!
Apparently,
both the men and women of Israel were guilty of participating in the pagan sex
rituals, orgies and debaucheries which took place in these fertility religions.
Numerous times in the Bible, God got angry at his people for joining their
neighbors in practicing the worship of the phallus and the yoni. Even today,
the remnants of these fertility religions haunt Christianity (See Something
Fishy).
As
we've already mentioned, Moses witnessed his people participating in one of
these mass sex orgies after he first received the 10 Commandments (Exodus
32:25-28).
When
Moses led the Hebrews out of bondage in Egypt, they met up with a kingdom of Midianites
who lured the men into their sex worship. When God saw his people having sex
with the Midianite women and bowing down to their phallic idols, he commanded
Moses to cut off the heads of all the men who had participated in the sex
worship with Midianite women and to hang their heads out in the sun (Numbers
25:1-5). While Moses was carrying out God's bloody commandment, one of the
Hebrew men was spotted taking a Midianite woman into his tent to have sex with
her. The grandson of Aaron, the priest, saw this and took a spear and went in
and drove it straight through both the man and the woman while they were having
sex (Numbers 25:6-8). God was pleased with the actions of the spear-chucker and
gave him an everlasting priesthood because of his murderous zeal. After the
spear was thrown, God called off the plague that he had cursed Israel with.
This plague had taken the lives of 24,000 Israelites because of God's
"jealousy" (Numbers 25:9-11). Now God turned his wrath on the women
who had tempted his chosen people with their sexual "wiles," as God
put it (Numbers 25:16-18). As a result of this crusade, 5 kingdoms of Midianites
were slain (See A Really Scary Story).
This
wasn't the last time the Hebrews bowed down and bent over for pagan sex
worship. When Gideon became the ruler in Israel, he erected a golden penis
(ephod) which the people began to "whore" after (Judges 8:27). After
Gideon died, the people turned back to the worship of the sex gods in full
force (Judges 8:33-35). The prophet Hosea described the drunken debaucheries of
the Israelites in detail, telling how they were consorting with animals for
revelation and how their women were having sex with everyone they met (Hosea
4:11-16). The prophet Amos told of a situation where a father and son would
share the same woman in sexual worship (Amos 2:6-8)
With
all of these sex organs being worshipped by God's chosen people, we can see why
God compared them to a prostitute and commanded them not to go
"whoring" after their neighbors' gods (Exodus 34:12-16 - Also see The
Oldest Profession).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sex,
Drugs and Husband Swapping
The
story of Jacob is one of the most morally degrading stories of the Bible. First
off, Jacob and his mother lie and decieve to steal what rightfully belongs to
Jacob's older brother, Esau (Genesis 27:6-30) . To avoid Esau's justified
wrath, Jacob runs off to stay with his uncle (Genesis 27:42-43). While there,
he falls for his uncle's daughter, Rachel (his cousin...again, incest is best)
and he makes a deal with his uncle, Laban, that he will work for Laban for
seven years in return for the hand of Rachel in marriage. At the end of the
seven years, there is a big wedding feast after which Laban sends his older
daughter Leah to the tent of Jacob. Jacob has sex with Leah, thinking she is
Rachel. When Jacob finds out the he was tricked, Laban tells him that it is
against their customs to marry his younger daughter off before his older one.
He then tells Jacob that if he's willing to work for seven more years, he'll
let Jacob marry Rachel, this time for SURE. So after a week (the honeymoon
period for his marriage to Leah), he is able to marry Rachel and Jacob has to
work for seven more years for Laban (Genesis 29:15-28). Hebrew law later
forbade a man from marrying his wife's sister but Jacob was able to get away
with doing this before God came up with that law (Leviticus 18:18).
The
Bible makes it clear that Rachel was pretty while Leah was merely
"tender-eyed," and Jacob loved Rachel but hated Leah (Genesis 29:31).
God saw that Jacob loved Rachel but hated Leah so as a form of retaliation, God
made Rachel unable to bear children and God opened Leah's womb and she got
pregnant. A fine example of the ignorant Hebrew belief that God would use his
powers to control the "magical" process of reproduction. Sadly, Leah
realizes that her husband hates her but she hopes that now that she has given
him a son, perhaps his heart will soften and he will finally love her (Genesis
29:32). Unfortunately for Leah, Jacob's hatred of her persists even after she
has a second and a third son for him. By the time she has a fourth son, Leah
has given up on gaining Jacob's love (Genesis 29:35).
In
the meantime, Rachel becomes jealous of her sister because God won't let her
get pregnant so she cries out to Jacob "Make me pregnant or I will
die!" (Genesis 30:1) Jacob tells her, "Hey, don't blame me if God has
decided to keep you from getting pregnant!"(Genesis 30:2) even though it
was Jacob's hatred of Leah which caused God to keep Rachel from reproducing. In
her frustration, Rachel sends her handmaid to Jacob so that she can get
pregnant and Rachel will get credit for it. The way this process worked was,
the handmaid would deliver the child while squatting between the legs of her
mistress (in this case, Rachel) and the child would be considered to have come
from the mistress instead of the handmaid. What a crock of nonsense! In this
fashion, Jacob makes Rachel's handmaid pregnant twice and Rachel got credit for
giving Jacob two sons.
By
this time, Leah had stopped having children and she saw that Rachel was getting
credit for the children her handmaid had produced with Jacob so she decides she
can play that same game. Leah gives Jacob her handmaid and he proceeds to get
this second handmaid pregnant twice also so Leah now gets credit for giving
Jacob two more sons. Thanks to the patriarchal system of the Hebrews, the two
women were now engaged in an all out fertility race to see who can give Jacob
the most sons. The score so far is Leah:6, Rachel:2.
One
of Leah's sons found some mandrakes (a plant whose root was believed to have
fertility enhancing characteristics) while he was working in the field and he
brought them to his mother. When Rachel learned that Leah had possession of the
magical roots of reproduction, she went to Leah and begged her for them, hoping
that with them, she would finally be able to get pregnant herself. Leah didn't
want to give away the roots because she hoped they would help her break her
lapse in fertility, but Rachel, who hadn't had any children yet, was willing to
sell her husband to get them. Rachel was scheduled to have sex with Jacob that
night and she offered to buy the roots from Leah by prostituting Jacob to her.
Leah agreed to the husband swap and when Jacob came home that night Leah told
him "you must come have sex with me because I have bought you tonight with
my mandrakes." (Genesis 30:16) Jacob didn't object, and neither did God
apparently, because the Bible states that God heard Leah and let her get
pregnant with a fifth son (Genesis 30:17). Then Leah got pregnant a couple of
more times and had another son and a daughter. Rachel had some catching up to
do.
God
finally had some pity on poor Rachel and he let her get pregnant and she gave
Jacob a son (Genesis 30:22-24). She was able to give Jacob one more son but she
died in childbirth (Genesis 35:16-20). The final score was: Leah-8 sons (2 from
her handmaid), Rachel-4 sons (2 from her handmaid also). These twelve sons
would become the fathers of the twelve tribes of Israel. God surely works in
mysterious ways!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The
Weaker Sex
As
can be seen from the sections we've already discussed, women were mistreated
throughout the Bible, being relegated to the status of "baby-maker"
and treated like property to be bought and sold or used as a shield to protect
men from mobs. Numerous books have been written on the mistreatment of women in
history but the Bible provides us with a unique glimpse into God's attitude
toward what we at the Luciferian Liberation Front consider to be man's better
half.
The
fact that God considers women to be inferior is made plain throughout the
writings of the Bible. Paul, the true author of Christianity, repeatedly taught
the early followers of Christ that women should stay in their place, which was
subservient to man (1 Corinthians 11:3). He also stated that women were created
for man's use (1 Corinthians 11:8-9), that they should learn in silence, not
asking questions or raising doubts about the authority of men in public (1
Timothy 2:11-12). He went on to state that women should not speak in church
because that was shameful, since the word of God would never come to a mere
woman. If the woman wanted to learn more about something she had heard in
church, she should ask her husband to explain it to her at home (1 Corinthians
14:34-36). Paul rationalized that it was the woman's fault that man fell from
grace in the garden of Eden, because she was deceived by the serpent, not the
man (1 Timothy 2:14).
Modern
Christians love to ignore the teachings of Paul in this matter. The difference
between men and women in Paul's eyes is made quite clear when he tells men to
love their wives while women are commanded to be submissive and obey their
husbands (Ephesians 5:22-23, Colossians 3:18-19 1 Peter 3:1-7).
The
fact that women were mere property is made readily apparent by the manner in
which women were treated in the Bible. Fathers could sell their daughters into
slavery (Exodus 21:7), use them for protection from mobs (Genesis 19:8, Judges
19:24), offer them as rewards for assasins (Joshua 15:16-17), or murder them as
a human sacrifice, if God so demands (Judges 11:30-31, 34-40). Men could rape
with relative impunity (Exodus 22:16-17, Deut. 22:28-29), taking women or girls
as war booty (Numbers 31:17-18, Deut. 21:10-14) and enslaving as many women as
he could afford to keep through the Godly practice of polygamy (Exodus 21:10).
As
we pointed out earlier, taking women as property during war was ordained of
God. When God told his people how to properly invade a foreign city, he told
them that if the city didn't surrender peacefully and agree to be slaves, the
Hebrews were to kill all the men in the city and take the women and the rest of
the property for themselves (Deuteronomy 20:10-14). Of course, this guidance
only applied to those cities which were very far away. The cities which God had
given them for an inheritance were to have all living things in them killed
(Deuteronomy 20:15-16).
When
the tribe of Benjamin was nearly exterminated (See Forced Entry), the leaders
of Israel had decreed that they wouldn't allow any of their women to marry the
men of the tribe of Benjamin (Judges 21:1). Without women, the tribe was doomed
to become extinct, so the leaders of Israel came up with a plan to get wives
for the Benjamites (Judges 21:2-4). They called for a council meeting but didn't
send out an invitation to one of the minor tribes. When there were no
representatives from that tribe present at the council meeting (Judges 21:5-9),
the leaders declared that the minor tribe that hadn't shown up would have all
of its people that weren't virgin women of marrying age, slayed (Judges
21:10-11). The surviving women would then be given to the men of the tribe of
Benjamin (Judges 21:12-13). After the virgin women of the minor tribe were
redistributed to the Benjamites, it was discovered that there were still not
enough women to keep the Benjamites viable as a tribe (Judges 21:14). The
leaders then decided that it would be best for the Benjamites to go to a
festival and simply kidnap the daughters that came out to dance. If the fathers
of the kidnapped daughters came to complain, the leaders planned to tell them,
"it's better that they were kidnapped than that they were the spoils of
the war which we could have declared on you." (Judges 21:19-22). The Benjamites
did what the leaders told them to do, kidnapping an unknown number of virgin
girls and God was pleased (Judges 21:23-24).
When
a woman was "purchased" by a marriage contract, the mother and father
of this woman were required to keep the wedding night sheets (which would be
blood stained to prove her virginity) just in case the man ever decided that he
wanted to challenge her virginity. If the man had falsely accused her of not
being a virgin, then he had to pay a fine to the father of his wife. But if her
parents couldn't produce the bloody artifacts, the woman would be taken to her
father's house and stoned to death by the men of the city (Deuteronomy
22:13-21). The manner of execution for the daughter of a priest who was found
to be lacking in her virginity was by fire (Leviticus 21:9). Later, if a man
found some "uncleanness" in his wife he could declare that she was
damaged or soiled goods, and he could easily get rid of her by writing a bill
of divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).
The
Bible encourages men to fondle their women, particularly their breasts
(Proverbs 5:18-19), but if a woman were to accidentally grab a man's genitals
while that man was fighting with her husband, she was to have her hand cut off
(Deuteronomy 25:11-12)
If
a man made an oath, his word was considered his bond, but if a woman made an
oath it had to be cleared through her father or husband first before it was
considered binding (Numbers 30:2-16)
The
Bible tells us that Jesus also mistreated women, including his own mother. When
his mother was worried about his safety, Jesus got upset at her, arrogantly
asking "Why were you looking for me?" (Luke 2:49) and when she tried
to tell him that they were out of wine at a wedding feast, the drunkard Jesus
replied, "Woman, what have I to do with you?" (John 2:3-4). He
further displayed his respect of motherhood by ignoring a desperate mother who
came to him broken-hearted over her dying daughter (Mattew 15:22-26). Jesus
also taught that men should abandon their wives and children if they wanted to
receive eternal life (Matthew 19:29, Mark 10:29-30, Luke 18:29-30).
A
woman's purpose in life to the patriarchal system of the ancient Hebrews was to
be a recepticle for man's seed. If a woman were unable to produce male children
then she was considered cursed. Without a husband or sons to take care of her,
women were forced to live in exile, digging through the trash for scraps to
survive. The widow was considered an outscast that had envoked the wrath of God
in some manner so the people scorned her. The story of Ruth in the Bible shows
us the horrid treatment which these "deserted" women could expect
from God's people.
Ruth
was the daughter-in-law of a widow named Naomi. Naomi had two sons but both of
these sons died, leaving Naomi without any male support in her old age. Naomi
told Ruth and the wife of her other dead son to return to their own people,
where they could remarry and hopefully have children that would take care of
them in their old age, since she knew that she was too old to remarry or to
have sons that would take care of her, she was "without hope" (Ruth
1:12). One of the daughter-in-laws left to return to her own people but Ruth
decided to stay with Naomi. When Naomi returned to her home town she told
people not to call her Naomi (which meant "pleasant) but instead, to call
her Mara (which meant "bitter" because she was bitter with how the
Lord had treated her by taking her sons who were supposed to support her in her
old age).
Ruth
went out to gather scraps from what the harvesters left behind in the fields
and she met up with a rich man who treated her kindly (Ruth 2:1-23). God had
made a law which said that if a woman's husband died before he could provide
her with a son, then the brother of that man was required to take the widow of
his brother and have sex with her until she had a son (Deuteronomy 25:5-6).
Naomi knew of this law and when Ruth told her about the rich man, she saw it as
an opportunity to get Ruth hitched to him. The only problem was, this man
wasn't legally next in line to take Ruth and make her pregnant according to the
law. Naomi told Ruth that she had to go to the rich man's tent at night and
snuggle up next to him, telling him of her plight and convince him that he
should be the one to take her and make her pregnant. Ruth did this, uncovering
his genitals and lying down next to them (Ruth 3:4-8). The older man was
shocked to see a young woman interested in him sexually and he was more than
willing to take Ruth into his household. The rich man convinces the man who is
legally next in line to take Ruth, that it is in his best financial interest to
let him take her (Ruth 4:1-12). So the rich man takes Ruth and makes her
pregnant with a son (who became the grandfather of King David). Naomi was now
happy because she had a grandson which meant that she was somebody once more in
the Hebrew society (Ruth 4:13-17).
We
at the Luciferian Liberation Front are grateful for the countless women who
have had the personal integrity to raise their heads out of the shackles of
subservience that the "men of God" have forged for them. Women such
as Ayn Rand, stand as true heroines to humanity and we praise them for using
their brilliant minds to show the world how things should be. Praise Connie.
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Swearing
an Oath
Whenever
an Israelite swore an oath he would seal it by placing his hand on the genitals
of the person he was swearing to. The Bible calls this "putting a hand
under his thigh" and it is from this tradition of grabbing a person's
testicles that we get the words "testify," and "testimony."
When Abraham sent a servant out to look for a wife for his son, he made this
servant swear that he wouldn't bring back a Canaanite woman for his son to
marry. The oath was sealed by the servant grabbing Abraham's genitals Genesis
24:1-9). This signified that the oath extended not only to the person who was
being grabbed, but also extended to that persons unborn children or
"seed" which was stored in the testicles. In this way, the oath
didn't expire just because the person died, because as long as the person's
seed continued to live, the oath stayed in effect.
When
Jacob was about to die, he made his son swear upon his genitals that he wouldn't
bury him in Egypt but would carry his body back to his homeland to be buried
(Genesis 47:29-31).
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Beauty
and the Beast
The
Hebrew law specifically forbade both men AND women from having sexual relations
with animals (Deuteronomy 27:21, Levitcus 18:23). The punishment for
participating in this beastly activity was death (Exodus 22:19). This death
penalty not only extended to the person, but the animal that had participated
(Leviticus 20:15-16). This is just another example of the injustice of God's
laws. It didn't matter that the animal hadn't sinned, or that it doesn't have
the ability to know right from wrong not to mention that sex between a human
and animal can only be called rape since the animal wouldn't naturally attempt
to cohabit with a human. Unfortunately, the numerous abuses of animals in the
Bible is vastly overshadowed by the abuses of humans.
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Jehovah's
Potty
One
of the more unusual types of plagues which God unleashed on humanity was the
plague of hemorrhoids. The biblical term for hemorrhoid is "emerod"
and God threatened to give them to his own people in Deuteronomy 28:27. God
also sent the plague of hemorrhoids to his enemy, the Philistines (1 Samuel
5:6-12) because they had stolen the ark of the covenant. After seven months of
torment, the Philistines were willing to do just about anything to get rid the
hemorrhoids and the plagues of mice which God had cursed their land with. God
told the Philistine priests and diviners that they had to return the ark but
that it wasn't to come back alone. They were to send a trespass offering of
five golden replicas of their hemorrhoids and five golden statues of mice with
it (1 Samuel 6:1-18). The Philistines did this and gave the ark got back to the
Israelites, who peeked inside to see if the Philistines had stolen the holy items
that were supposed to be inside the ark God had warned them not to look inside
the ark and as a result of their curiosity, God killed 50,070 of God's chosen
men, the Israelites (1 Samuel 6:19-21).
God's
anal fixation in the Bible extended to the human products of excretion. God
threatened to spread feces on the faces of his disobedient priests (Malachi
2:1-3). God also commanded Ezekiel to bake his bread with human feces. Ezekiel
protested that he had never put anything unclean into his mouth and God relented
by saying that he could bake his bread with cow feces instead (Ezekiel
4:10-17). Gee, thanks God.
The
Bible tells us that during a famine in Samaria, the people were so desperate
for food that they bought and sold the feces of doves for the equivalent of
three dollars a pint (2 Kings 6:25)
The
Bible also paints a pretty picture in its literary imagery of men urinating on
walls (1 Samuel 25:22, 35:34, 1 Kings 14:10, 16:11, 21:21, 2 Kings 9:8). As if
that weren't enough, the filthy Bible describes men eating their own feces and
drinking their own urine (2 Kings 18:27, Isaiah 36:12).
God
even claims that his farts will sound like a harp for the Moabites (Isaiah
16:11). What's that ungodly stench?
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Solomon's
Steamy Song of Sleaze
The
Song of Solomon, or "Song of Songs" as it is sometimes called, has
somehow made it through the biblical editing and censoring process to remain as
sensual and erotic as the feelings which Solomon must have shared for the Shunammite
woman, Abishag. The Song was a love poem which celebrated the passions and
ecstasies of carnal, physical love. Modern Christians try to downplay the
obvious references to sex but it doesn't take much imagination to see exactly
what Solomon was talking about.
Chapter
1
The
first chapter has the black skinned, Shulamith anticipating spending the night
in Solomon's bedchamber. She hopes he will kiss her with his mouth because his
love is better than wine (ver. 2). She then expresses her desire that Solomon
will lie all night between her breasts (ver. 13).
Chapter
2
Shulamith
continues to describe her lust for Solomon. She compares him to an apple tree
that she sat down under "and his fruit was sweet to my taste," an
obvious reference to oral sex (ver. 3). She then describes Solomon fondling her
in the same manner that the Sumuzi-Inanna love poems from 2,000 B.C.E. used:
"Your right hand you have placed on my vulva; Your left stroked my
head." (ver. 6)
Chapter
3
Shulamith,
wakes up and finds that Solomon is not in bed with her so she goes out into the
city to find him (ver. 1-2). Once she does, she takes him to his mother's
house, then when whe is done having sex with her, she asks that his other wives
not wake him until he is ready to get up himself (ver. 5).
Chapter
4
Now
Solomon describes his lover starting from the top of her head and working down.
He uses sensual allegories such as calling her breasts "two fawns which
feed among the lilies" (ver. 5). Next he tells how her lips drip honey and
how tasty her tongue is (ver. 11). He then describes her mons pubis as
"the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense" (myrrh and
frankincense were spices with a musky odor - ver. 6) and he goes on to describe
her vaginal moistness as "streams flowing from her home town of
Lebanon" (ver. 15). Repeatedly the references to oral sex are made by
disguising the female sex organs as a "garden and its fruits" (ver.
12-14). Shulamith then calls on the wind to make the scent of her womanhood
waft out. She then asks her lover to eat of her garden's fruit once more (ver.
16).
Chapter
5
Solomon
repeatedly refers to his lover as his "sister" while he states that
he has now had his way with her, eating and drinking his fill of her fruits (ver.
1). Shulamith then takes over the narrative and in metaphor states the
following: "I woke up because my love has let me know that he wants to
have sex with me again. (ver. 2) But I am not aroused right now, since I just
woke up (ver. 3)" She then states that her love "put his hand by the
hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him." (ver. 5). Apparently
by stimulating her anal region, he has aroused her because she states that she
is now up and her hands are dripping with her musky vaginal juices, but her
lover has withdrawn himself and has gone (ver. 5-6). This may be an example of
biblical premature ejaculation or perhaps Solomon was only interested in
achieving his own pleasure during this instance, because when Shulamith tries
to reach him, he has already left.
Chapter
6
Solomon
continues to sensually praise his lovers body. He states that at this point in
his life, he has sixty wives (queens), eighty sex slaves (concubines) and
countless maidens which he can have sex with but he claims that Shulamith is
still unique and even all his other sex partners have praised her (ver. 8-10).
Chapter
7
Solomon
continues with the sensual praising of Shulamith, this time starting at the
feet and working his way up. Shulamith takes over the narrative and she asks
her lover to take her outdoors where she will let him have sex with her in the
vineyard. She also mentions the aphrodisiac mandrake plant and promises him
that she has all types of fruits for him to partake of (ver. 11-13).
Chapter
8
The
final chapter has Shulamith telling Solomon that she wishes he had been her
brother "that sucked the breasts of my mother" so that when she found
him outside, she could kiss him and that her mother would teach her how to
please him sexually. She then makes reference to the early quoted passage from
the Sumuzi-Inanna love poems about "Your right hand you have placed on my
vulva; Your left stroked my head" (ver. 3). Once again we see the spectre
of incest rearing its head in the Bible. Shulamith recalls that when she was a
little girl "with no breasts" her brothers attempted to protect her
from the sexual advances of men. If she was a "wall," (if she
resisted the men) they would protect her in one way and if she were a
"door," (if she gave in easily to the men) they would protect her
another way. Shulamith claims that she is a wall and her "breasts are like
towers" (ver. 8-11), and it was because she was hard to get that Solomon
found her attractive (ver. 10).
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The
Sons of God Need Lovin' Too
Humans
weren't the only ones having sex in the Bible. God's sons came down and lusted
after human women and took them for their own wives (Genesis 6:1-2). These were
the same sons of God that presented themselves before God in Job 1:6, 2:1.
Modern Christians try to say that these sons of God were demons or fallen
angels or they just ignore this passage in the Bible completely. Why the
all-powerful God would allow for his sons to mate with humans raises some intrituing
questions about sex in heaven. The Bible tells us that angels aren't married in
heaven but Jesus repeatedly compares himself to the bridegroom and his
followers to the bride (Matthew 9:15, John 3:29). We hate to remind Christians
about what happens on the honeymoon, especially in light of the fact that God's
sons were having sex with human women. BOHICA. Thank you Jesus.
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